Soldiers to the Slaughter
by Flying Porkchop
Summary: War has always plagued the realm of the gods, and their children will always fight for them, no matter the risk. Ultimately, however, the hardest battles must be fought against oneself. [One-shots of AoT characters as demigods]
1. Son of Hades

I stood on the black outcropping of rock, shriveled brown clover crushed under my feet, the smell of decay hanging in the air. Though I was easily supported by the obsidian outcropping above the River Styx, my body felt heavy enough to break through and fall to pitch black waters. I could see almost the entire Underworld from my perch— the red-tinged air above the Fields of Punishment, the dreary fog around the Fields of Asphodel, and the consoling glow above Elysium. My father's palace loomed in the very back with ominous majesty, harshly forbidding in its dark beauty.

Despite the impressive view, the only thing that truly held my gaze was the line of agitated specters waiting to be judged. It seemed to stretch forever, only ending with a hazy disappearance into the black fog on the horizon. Instinctively, I tightened my grip on the hilt of my sword.

 _So many…_

I supposed it was only natural. Hades had told me once that death was a part of life, even if we mortals feared it above anything else, even if we didn't want to think about its inevitability. But I'd never had a problem with that, necessarily.

What bothered me were all those lives death took without reason.

The bile rose to my throat, my eyes beginning to bleed bitter tears, forcing me to my knees. I unsheathed my black iron blade, staring into the metal. If I focused, I could see the souls of the hundreds of monsters I'd killed in the last few weeks floating helplessly in the glossy surface, contorted with torture, twisting around each other in sluggish movements, distorting their own images into unrecognizable, pain ridden whorls.

With sudden fury, I stood and swung my sword, cleaving clean through one of the dilapidated trees behind me, bark of shriveled skin falling back to the dust, brittle gray leaves rattling in futile protest. I was screaming, my voice echoing all throughout my father's kingdom, but after all I'd done for him only to be met with silence, I doubted he would ever hear it. Distantly, I realized I was still swinging my sword, dying foliage collapsing around me in silent agony, the anger like a smear of fresh blood across my vision.

It had turned out to be true; I could kill a thousand monsters, a hundred thousand, and that would never be enough to protect all my loved ones, to protect all the innocent, to make the sacrifices of all my comrades _mean_ something.

Especially if they were dying for _my_ _sake._

* * *

 _They were sitting in the Big House an hour after the battle, around a low coffee table covered in maps. Armin was reporting to Erwin the strategies that had been used. Mikasa sat with them, staring at the papers with glossy eyes._

 _I stood by the window, watching my fellow campers clean up the corpses, my gut churning like lava. My fists opened and closed with suppressed violence, my muscles tense and jaw tight, my teeth grinding against each other. I could feel the molten rock rising up my throat, ready to erupt at any moment._

 _Armin was robotically listing the names of those he'd confirmed dead when I finally snapped._

" _You used them as_ fodder _!" I growled, my voice low and loud with fury. My body moved on its own as searing heat blazed from my stomach outwards, burning holes through me even with the threat of fire alone. Suddenly, I found myself standing over Armin, my fists clenched hard enough to crush bone, that lava finally igniting in my chest._

 _Armin grimaced, but he dared stand to look me in the eye when he replied. "T-that was the only way to get you close enough to land the final blow!"_

 _Images of the final moments of the battle flashed through my mind– giant scales, each the size of a car door, teeth as long as my body, air so acidic I could barely breathe...driving my magic key into the ground, splitting the earth to send the beast straight to the darkest pits of Tartarus, waves of suffering radiating from the chasm…_

 _I shook the memories away with vehemence. "They were our comrades! They were our_ family _! How could you just throw them away like that?!"_

 _Tears shimmered in the corners of his eyes. "I told you, Eren, I-I didn't have a choice! Y-you asked me for a plan, so I gave you one!"_

" _Damn it, Armin!" I surged closer to him, forcing him to back away. My vision began blackening around the edges. "Do you know how many died?" I could count every single soul. As their faces flashed through my mind, my feet moved on their own, closer and closer. "We_ trusted _you to come up with a plan because we know you're smart enough to solve any problem! We_ trusted _you to come up with the best solution!" My voice was rising with the hungry flames in my breast. "But with that brain of yours, can you measure the value of a_ life _?!"_

" _EREN." Mikasa's firm voice cut through my ferocity._

 _Gradually, my senses returned, and I realized I was holding Armin up against the wall by his orange Camp t-shirt, his body trembling. Both of us were breathing hard. For a moment, I didn't move, until I noticed that his cord of seven beads was missing from his neck. A wave of revulsion overtook me and I threw him to the polished wood floor, where he sat quietly, continuing to shake. There was a sour taste in my mouth._

" _Apologize," Mikasa commanded, her voice tainted with an uncharacteristic quaver._

 _I just turned away, trying to reign in the monster of my anger that struggled to escape, scratching, clawing, scattering ash still ablaze. My voice vibrated deep in my stomach with the effort of restraining it. "Don't sacrifice so many people for my sake. That's not how I want to win this war."_

 _Erwin finally spoke, breaking the calm silence he'd maintained until then. "Tell me, son of Hades, do you think we have a choice?"_

 _I glared at the centaur who'd served as our trainer, the lava simmering, boiling, threatening to spill over and destroy everything. Apparently, the lives of all the campers meant nothing even to our teacher. Maybe Erwin would have liked it if I let it spill, because it would pave everything over again in shining new rock, a new battlefield for him, a new gameboard._

 _He continued, his voice deep and smooth. It would have been soothing if not for its utterly detached iciness. "If we only focus on making the best moves, we will never get the better of our opponent. When necessary, we must be willing to take big risks—"_

" _It's not a risk when you_ know _they'll die! It's a certainty!" I growled. My body was burning up, my throat scorching as I turned to face Armin again, stepping forward until I towered over him. "Anyone who would take the lives of their own comrades to win is nothing but a weak, pathetic COWARD!" I could feel the fire overwhelming my heart as it pumped harder, louder, faster, anything to prevent it from burning to ash. The building began to shake with my power, dust falling from its ancient ceiling as the monster crawled up my throat, setting it all alight. "Don't send anyone else to their deaths because you think I need the help! I don't need anyone to fight for me, so just stay back, and_ let me shoulder it ALL _!"_

 _The light flickered once, and my ears were suddenly filled with sound of bone against bone. I found myself on the ground, a swelling sensation spreading across my face. The earth stopped shaking, the inferno inside me cooler from the shock of being struck. Mikasa stood over me, her fist still extended._

" _Don't be stupid, Eren…"_

 _The fire flared again. "You—...!"_

 _She swiped her hand across her eyes, and my insides turned to ice. Her voice quivered slightly, threatening to break. "If you try to fight alone, you'll get killed...and...and if you get killed..." A single tear ran down her cheek and landed next to me, a lonely raindrop._

 _I stared at it for a moment, uncomprehending. Impulsively, I wiped it away and staggered to my feet, now prepared to retort, but Erwin spoke before I could. "That's enough, you three. I think you all need to rest. You're still in shock from the battle."_

 _Everyone knew that wasn't the problem, but we filed out quietly, anyway, separating to our respective cabins. I understood that their parents were the two great war gods— Athena and Ares— but mine was the god of death. They may have known how to fight wars, but it seemed I was the only one who understood the cost._

* * *

Annie twisted my arm behind my back, pain surging through my shoulder like a tsunami. A split second later, I was pressed hard against the dirt of the arena.

"Tap out!" I shouted, turning my neck at an awkward angle to keep the dust out of my mouth.

Quickly, she let go and climbed off me, flipping a little of her feathery hair out of her face, unimpressed. She crossed her arms and watched me for a second, ice in her eyes. "That's it?"

"...I was stuck," I grumbled, sitting up and rolling my shoulder.

She didn't hesitate. "You've been sloppy ever since the battle."

I opened my mouth to retort, but no words came out. Instead, I scoffed and picked up my sword again. A gentle breeze cooled the sweat on my brow, carrying the salty scent of the nearby ocean. Strangely, I remembered then what Annie had told me once– that the water was salty because it was made of tears.

Annie leveled her bronze knife at me as we circled each other again, her voice flat and empty as always. "Why do you think that is? You did great."

I scowled. "I've just been thinking, that's all..." I deflected her stab, my throat growing tight with the effort of controlling my volume. "So many people died, but they didn't _need_ to."

She scoffed a little. "Classic Eren."

I returned her contempt. "What are you talking about?"

Annie charged me, our blades clanging together with almost enough force to create sparks. Normally, we were more evenly matched, but today she was getting the better of me in every round. Somehow, she disarmed me again, the bronze screeching against iron. She shoved her knife towards my face without hesitation. I caught her blow on my forearms, cursing a little at the point inches from my face, but she didn't relent.

Her voice was quiet and metallic. "You have so much faith that there's anything fair about this world...You get caught up in your ideals and expect the world to measure up, but that isn't ever going to happen."

The fire reignited in my chest, though my heart was already charred and cracked. My voice was strained. "Then you're saying I should just give up and accept it?"  
Her eyes were glacial when they met mine. "It'll save you all the guilt."

"Wha-? I'm _not_ …" My speech petered out.

It had been a week since the battle, but I still hadn't been able to get that image of thousands of ghosts waiting for judgement out of my head. It was ironic, how we called death the most unfair thing in the world, and yet the Underworld was the only place abiding by the rules of justice– the good would be rewarded, the evil punished. Simple logic the Olympians' realm couldn't seem to follow.

Annie took the knife away and sheathed it, brushing some hair behind her ear. "Whatever you are or aren't, it won't change anything about the fundamental nature of our lives. I know you and I are the two most powerful demigods alive, but compared to the nature of the world, our power is less than farce."

The heat rumbled in my gut, the lava beginning to stir again. I crossed my arms forcefully. "So you're a defeatist, then?"

"Call me what you like." Annie stared off into the distance, beyond the rolling strawberry fields, all the way to her father's somber sea. "I'm just telling you the truth."

* * *

I knew I wasn't supposed to.

And yet, here I was, pouring offerings into the empty grave behind my cabin. I threw the empty sack aside, hesitating a moment. It agitated Hades whenever I contacted the dead, but now, I didn't care what my father wanted. He'd just granted me a dangerous quest; Mikasa had referred to it as a suicide mission. It was the first time he'd spoken to me in years, and as much as I'd wanted to refuse him...when it came down to it, I accepted his request.

Still, something felt wrong about leaving Camp when I wasn't talking to my best friend. Armin and I hadn't spoken in a week, and he still wouldn't look at me when we passed each other. I'd tried to demand answers from him once, demanding to know why he'd thought a strategy like that was our best option, but he hadn't been able to give me an answer, dodging my questions and dodging my eyes.

Slowly, I spread my hands and began the ancient chant as a hollow buzz filled my ears. The grave began filling with luminescent fog. To conclude the spell, all I needed was her name.

"C-carla Jaeger."

The translucent wisps wove together, forming the shape of a woman. She lifted her face to mine. Though it had been years by now, my stomach still lurched and knotted as I remembered the way that giant had squeezed her, bitten down with terrifying, merciless finality...and all with a terrible smile.

"Mom…" My voice broke a little.

"Eren?" She offered me a warm smile, but her voice was faint and had a slight echo, like it existed in another plane. "What is it, dear?"

I cleared my throat. "I need...advice."

She waited, and I studied her face a moment before continuing— taking in the smile lines around her eyes, the soft fold under her lip, the streak of gray above her left ear— always afraid I would someday forget her face.

I took a deep breath, refocusing on my current problem. "A week ago, there was a huge battle here at Camp. Armin made me the trump card of his plan, but…" My voice became a low growl. "He considered everyone else dispensable."

For a moment, Mom looked a little surprised, but her expression quickly returned to its familiar softness. "And you're mad at him for it?"

"Well, _yeah_ , I am." I paced a bit, my hands curling into fists as the embers inside me rekindled, glowing hot and bright again. "He was right that it would work; he always is, but…" My voice trembled, up and down like a pendulum. "A-a lot of campers were killed because they were trying to help me, and…and..."

Suddenly, I couldn't finish, a wet, soggy lump clogging my throat. I stopped pacing, now occupied with blinking the stinging tears out of my eyes.

Mom leaned towards me, reaching out to me, her hand evaporating into mist when it neared my flesh. I could almost feel her touch. "One of the joys of life is having something worth dying for."

"But...they didn't have to die!" My voice cracked as the embers began to flutter, curling with the heat, crackling, crying out. It was true that our comrades died because Armin's plan had been set up that they probably would, but ultimately… "They died because I wasn't strong enough to do it alone."

The sun was rising behind me, the light illuminating sparks in her eyes. Her voice held a familiar warmth, burning slow. "Then you think it's your fault."

Instantly, a million excuses flew through my mind. Even though a part of me wanted to dwell on them, to let them fill my vision, I banished them all. "Yeah...I do."

"Eren, look at me."

I raised my gaze to hers, the water in my eyes failing to cool my heart.

"You've always tried to do too much, no matter how much I scolded you to look after only yourself. In a way...my deepest wish was that you'd grow up to be unfailingly selfish."

"Mom…" The tears ran down my cheeks.

The shimmer in her eyes was almost wistful. "I knew you'd find yourself in the world of the gods one day, and I tried so hard to put it off…" She broke off now to sigh. "But I suppose your father wouldn't have it. All I can do now is try to support you." She chuckled a little. "Besides...I always knew you got your fire from me. One thing that I learned too late was how to cool it down. How to have mercy."

I clenched my fists and roughly wiped the tears from my eyes. "I can't just let it go, Mom."

She nodded, as if she'd known that's what I'd say. The rising sun set flame in her golden eyes. "What are you going to do, now?"

"I guess...I'll go investigate the disturbances in the Fields of Punishment, like Dad wants."

"Alone?" she asked softly.

I managed a small smile. "Alone."

* * *

The blood was pooled near my head. I could see myself reflected in the glossy red surface, my face bruised and swollen, my hair disheveled, a thin stream of ruby trickling from a corner of my bluing lips. I didn't recognize myself.

Nevertheless, I could feel my body going numb, growing cold; I could sense Death waiting nearby like a whisper in my ear, offering me his sympathies, but no intervention. My vision blurred to nightmarish swatches of red, black, and gray as the monsters closed in, teeth like knives digging into the exposed flesh of my leg with slow, gloating malice. I tried to cry out, but all that came out was a small croak, drowned in the beasts' hissing laughter.

 _Come and get us, son of Hades, if you can!_

Tears filled my eyes. My sword was lying in the grass next to me, but my arm wouldn't move anymore. I groped in the darkness overtaking my memory, trying to remember anything Hades had told me before I set off on this quest, any advice he'd ever given me, any piece of information he'd offhandedly told me, anything he'd said that could help me now.

Any comforting whisper of what it was like to die.

 _Mom…_

I couldn't do it alone after all.

 _Eren!_

A voice cut through the groggy fog spreading through my consciousness. It called my name again, louder, louder, expanding in my ears.

"Eren!"

My mouth was dry and sandy, but I croaked out a single word. "Mikasa…?"

The monsters' hissing intensified, their voices almost human as they cried out for mercy. Their screams grated against my ears, the tang of their blood filled the air, overwhelming my world with suffering.

I closed my eyes.

* * *

I knew I wasn't dead. After all, I knew the Underworld well. All that surrounded the newly dead was black soot, left over from a fire long burnt out.

Here, the air was crisp and fresh, a breeze wafting lazily around me. My eyes wouldn't focus, but I could see soft brightness, white curves floating around me in sympathetic puffs.

Someone squeezed my hand. "Eren?"

"Mikasa." I blinked slowly, purposefully, still trying to make my vision clear, but I could still see only the blurry dark smudge of her hair, the vague circles of her eyes.

"What...happened?"

My vision refocused just as she wiped a tear from her eye. "Well…" she smiled slightly, a strange bitterness about it. "The quest is over. I finished it for you."

"Then…" Slowly, I reached up, feeling the bandage around my head. The gauze was soft, full of tiny holes. "Someone still had to pick up my slack." Suddenly, I thought of Mom, my insides freezing from the inside out. The ashes of my rage were nothing more than colorless flakes, now, lying listlessly still with no wind, no spark to stir them. All that was left was the ice of regret. "Nothing's changed at all…"

Justice still did not prevail, in the end. It _could_ not. All because I was too weak to carry it out.

"You can't just do everything by yourself, Eren." Mikasa said softly, the strange undertone in her voice almost accusing. Her eyes held the gentleness of empathy, but also the dark density of her anger.

I stared at her a moment before letting my gaze fall to my hands, resting uselessly in my lap, tears distorting the image. Maybe she was right, but I had no right to rely on comrades when they could die for me; no right to exploit that devotion. My fists tightened as I realized I'd come to know one person who believed I did. "Where's Armin?"

"He got back from his own quest yesterday."

I scoffed, still unable to believe the sacrifices he'd been willing to make. He was still my friend, and I still knew we would die for each other, but...just thinking of what he'd done made the embers glow again, my gut beginning to regain heat...

"This is war," she said suddenly. "We all have our own demons to fight...and we're all willing to do the extreme for...for what's important." Mikasa took one of my hands between hers, uncurling my fist so she could hold it. Her fingers were calloused from years of combat, but surprisingly gentle, as though caressing a delicate flower. "For some of us, that's someone we love. For Armin, that's victory. But…" she sniffled and leaned forward, her hair obscuring her face from my sight. A single tear landed in our hands. "What's important to you, in the end?"

I stiffened. Of course, the answer was people. People I loved, people who depended on me...and people I had to depend on. That was why justice was so important to me when it came down to it. Mikasa was talking about something else, though. She was trying to tell me that I'd never get to what was really important to me without it.

 _Forgiveness._

I sighed. "I...I know Armin did what he thought was best back there. I thought he would have done it differently, if I was strong enough." There was no heat left in my heart, but oddly, no ice, either. "But I'm not."

Mikasa squeezed my hand, another of her warm tears landing in my palm. Slowly, I closed my fist around it, protecting it as best I could before it would inevitably dry up.

For a long time, we simply sat in silence, not moving at all. She didn't even move when she finally spoke, quietly as usual but with unusual tenderness.

"I forgive you."

So that was the secret, then. The secret I had to work towards.

My voice was nothing more than a whisper. "Thank you."

* * *

 **A/N:** Thanks for reading!

This is going to be a four-part series of one-shots, each centered around an Attack on Titan character and set in Percy Jackson's world (without the canon characters).

I hope you enjoy! Don't forget to review and let me know what you think! I'm always open to criticism! :D


	2. Son of Athena

I'd always been the one everyone came to when they needed answers.

They would ask, _How do you defeat a hydra? How many men do we put in the phalanx? How many in the left flank? Can you estimate the number of giants we can kill in a single maneuver? When should we fire the catapults?_

I would answer, _cauterization, fifty, twenty-five, fifteen, wait for my signal,_ and they would take my word blindly, trusting that, even when I didn't trust myself, I would always manage to trick the enemy. They had trusted the son of Athena to make their strategies, until the day they said I tricked them.

I never tricked them, though; they simply hadn't understood the implications of my plan until it was over. They still called me clever, smart, brilliant, even a genius; they still asked me their inexhaustible numbers of questions, but no one believed my answers anymore, no matter how hard I tried.

Not even me.

* * *

"W-...what do you think they _want_ from us?"

The ashes swirled around our feet, at the mercy of the whims of the wind. Jean collapsed to his knees in front of the smoldering dust. It was almost as though it was him who was burning instead of his best friend. He grasped some ash in his hand and squeezed his fist tight. Vaguely, I wondered if it would scar his palm.

"What do they _want?"_ His body trembled. He wouldn't meet my eyes, only staring at his closed hand. That was fine, because I wouldn't have met his, either. I knew I should have left the funeral service with everyone else, but the hollow in my chest had compelled me to stay; now, when we were alone, he started asking questions. I wished he would ask them to the sky instead of me.

When I couldn't answer, the only sound was the air rushing around us, bearing the son of Demeter's remains away. I closed my eyes for a moment when my blond hair blew in front of them, but still I saw the blood roaring before me in a viscous, screaming river, each drop more precious than ruby, yet more common than dirt.

I opened my eyes in a panic, though the scene in front of me was hardly better. My voice was leaden, saying the only answer I could. "Whatever they need us to do, that's what we do."

Jean stood up, turning to face me at last. He'd always been much taller than I was, but it had been a long time since I'd felt as small in his shadow as I did now. His eyes seared holes in my body, his words acrid, corrosive. "You really can't think of anything better than that?"

I tried to blink my tears away, but naturally, one betrayed me and fell. Hastily, I wiped it away with the palm of my hand and forced myself to look at him, speaking even though the pressure in my throat was nearly unbearable. "M-Marco didn't die in vain. He helped us finish the quest."

Jean's eyes were suddenly cold as stone, how I'd always imagined Medusa's would look, full of hardened grief. He opened his hand, releasing the extinguished embers from his grip. "Yeah. A quest for _nothing._ "

He shouldered past me, but I stayed behind, looking for signs until all the wayward fireflies fluttered into the starless sky.

* * *

By the time I got to my cabin, all my siblings were already in bed. I closed the door behind me, turning the doorknob slowly to avoid disturbing the deathly quiet. The familiar shadows falling across the room seemed more sinister tonight, the smell of pencil and paper sharper, the shifting of my siblings more irritated, hostile. As quietly as I could, I lay down in my own bed, trying not to let any of the tightness in my chest escape, even though it was squeezing me to death.

 _What were you thinking?_

 _How could you do this?_

 _Why?_

More questions I didn't know the answers to. All I could say in my own defense was, _this is war._

And yet, I couldn't bring myself to say it. It didn't seem sufficient.

Sometimes, when I couldn't sleep, I would whisper to Thomas in the bunk above me, and we would talk about whatever was on our minds. We weren't friends exactly, but I didn't hesitate to call him my brother. For a split second, I thought of calling his name. Then I remembered the terror on his face just before that giant ripped him apart, the light fading from his eyes as they stared directly into mine.

I couldn't talk to anyone else, so I closed my eyes, letting the exhaustion of the past few weeks wash over me, praying in vain for a dreamless night.

Even though I knew prayers were rarely answered.

 _Suddenly, I found myself standing on a simple dirt road, fog hanging in the air like tears waiting to fall. A woman walked ahead of me on the road, just close enough that I could make out her silhouette disappearing into the floating water. I chased her up a hill into a cold marble building, harsh white columns rising around us, the ceiling too high and dark to see. My bare feet against the frozen floor echoed through the vacant space, but nothing was louder than my desperate heart, pounding in my ears in a frenzied drumbeat. My hands were clammy, cold, and shivering, but I curled them into fists. The woman didn't turn around to face me, but I called out to her anyway._

" _D-did I do the right thing?" I needed to know what she thought. My plan had led to so many deaths...including some of my own siblings. Ultimately, however, it had saved the camp from disaster. For now, at least. Only a few of the other campers would talk to me, though, shocked at the decisions I'd made; even Eren had been put off by the amount of tragedy I'd caused, being so attuned to our death toll. I'd thought only the goddess of wisdom could tell me if I had made the right choice, and here she was in my dreams._

 _Athena turned and looked me in the eye with such intensity that I couldn't stare back. There seemed to be raging storms in her eyes, powerful winds whipping her dark hair around her as the walls of her temple faded into smoke._

" _What a question." She spoke slowly, her voice seeming to hold gravity itself. "You've always had too many, and never found the answers."_

 _My heart dropped. "I-I don't understand!" Was she saying I'd always doubted myself too much? Or that for all the silver sentences I weaved, I knew nothing in the end?_

 _She bristled at my words, the winds gathering force. "Tell me, do you think it's_ right _, to sacrifice your own brethren for the sake of the many?" Her voice boomed against my eardrums with the weight of the world; by visceral instinct, I covered them, but this only made the sounds louder as they echoed against the walls of my skull. "Do you think it's_ right, _to abandon your humanity to defeat a monster?" The wind was so strong now I squeezed my eyes shut, tears drying instantly, my jaw clenching. Her voice thundered, expanded, completely inescapable. "Do you think to be 'right' and to be wise are the same?"_

 _Her words filled my head until it hurt from the pressure. I crumbled to my knees, still refusing to look and trying not to hear her fury. A high-pitched whimper escaped my throat, invisible hands wringing my heart._

 _"You ask me if you did the right thing because you want an easy answer." My ears popped, and I pressed my hands tighter against them, the vacuum in my chest consuming me. "You may call yourself my son, but you are a_ fool _!"_

I woke in a cold sweat, my hand shaking, my breath fast, my eyes wet, painfully aware of every newly empty bunk in the cabin. A few of my siblings shifted in the darkness, looking at me with our mother's stormy eyes, but none said a word to the wolf in sheep's clothing. Slowly, as my pulse returned to normal, I dared raise my hands to look at them. I was surprised to see them clean.

It would have been simpler if they weren't.

* * *

I didn't tell anyone about the dream, even Eren when he asked me why my eyes were so swollen the next morning. He'd just returned from a quest of his own; he had his own demons to fight without being burdened by anything of mine.

We were sitting together amid tall grass, a hundred yards from the beach. I was grateful for the lack of wind, and the view of the glittering sea, but the humidity in the air held promise of a violent storm. The sun was just beginning to bleed out into the horizon, staining it orange.

"That was the stupidest thing anyone's ever asked me to do." Eren flicked his wrist forcefully, and a human rib bone flew from the dirt and into his hand. He ran his fingers along its curve, staring towards the water.

"At least you made it back," I said carefully, caressing the tiny purple asters between us. No one had told him about Marco, yet, and I was dreading the confession. He seemed to have forgiven me for the plan somehow, but the possibility of another blow to our friendship was like vertigo.

"I just don't _get it_ , Armin." Eren snapped the bone in half, his voice breaking a little before he brought it back under control. "I did everything they told me to. _Everything._ "

"I know," I replied, too softly for him to hear.

The wildflowers around him were yellowing, drying, wilting as he clenched his hands around the rib, scoffing slightly. The asters shriveled and doubled over, dead. For a moment, Eren hesitated, as though unsure if he should say anything further, but I knew what he was going to say before he decided to say it.

"Why doesn't he ever _talk_ to me? He didn't even say a word when Mom…" His mouth shrank like a tightening knot with all the words it couldn't speak, the rest of his body tensing with the anger. He threw the bones as far as he could with a muffled grunt, but they just disappeared into the meadow with a soft swish of laughing grass. "It wouldn't kill him to send a postcard once in a while!" Eren's voice was building, surging like the currents of the River Styx. "All he needs to say is ' _not bad, son.' 'How you doing?'_ Hell, just ' _hi'_ would make it at least a little better! I know he didn't ask for me, but I didn't freakin' ask for a jerk of a dad, either!"

"Well...our parents have their own lives, Eren." I reasoned, trying to keep my voice level even though it had always bothered me, too. "To them, it's not a long time. It's just a difference of perception."

"Yeah?" He gave a small and scornful laugh. "Well, Hades of all people should know how little time we really have."

He sat in sullen silence, now, feeling the fresh bandages around his head. I wracked my brain for an answer, but all that came to mind was last night's confrontation with my mother. I didn't mean to speak, but the words escaped on their own, soft and raw. "I guess you could say it's better, sometimes...when they don't answer us at all." I only realized I'd said it aloud when I noticed Eren staring at me. "I-I mean, they- well…"

"Yeah...?" Eren looked at me with his eyebrows downturned, more concerned than angry, now, his face fixed with a frustrating mixture of curiosity and pity.

I swallowed back the lump forming in my throat. "N-nothing." I offered him a small smile, still scrambling for an answer to give him. "I just mean to say that they have their reasons for not speaking to us. T-they say 'no news is good news.'"

Eren raised an eyebrow at me, not quite believing my answer, but he didn't press it. He simply sighed, standing up and brushing some dirt off his pants. He looked into the distance, where the sun was disappearing into the water, drowning. "You know, I used to just tell myself I need to do something even more spectacular next time, just to get him to say something, but…maybe I should just give up on him." His voice became uncharacteristically quiet as he touched the bandages around his head again. "Keeping this up is going to kill me."

 _You're right._ I was slightly surprised to find myself agreeing. I'd always managed to rationalize our parents' decisions, often resorting to dismissing them as incomprehensible to a mere demigod, and yet...none of us truly stopped seeking at least a small taste of their approval, no matter how far we had to go. After all, we didn't ask our parents to be there like a normal parent should. We didn't ask them to back us up, to agree with us. We didn't even ask them to love us.

All we wanted to hear from them was one simple sentence.

 _I'm proud of you._

* * *

"Am I a bad person?"

Annie said it suddenly, as though she'd been thinking about it for a long time. Her eyes were glacial, like icebergs hoping to hide in dark waters, fixed on a point in the distance with feigned carelessness.

"What?"

She gestured to the ocean in front of us, white flashes of light from the afternoon sun dancing on the water, blinking in and out of existence too fast for my eyes to register. Staring at it long enough made it feel like a mirage.

"I blame him for my own life." She continued flatly, a sea breeze blowing the hair away from her impassive face. "Is it bad?"

 _No._

Instantly, I felt guilty for the thought, tearing my eyes from the open sea to watch the small waves recede from my ankles, leaving behind chips of wood and other debris, fragments of broken shells and strips of limp seaweed ripped from their roots. "I suppose...it's bad from his point of view," I replied, carefully calculating my answer until it held no meaning. "But…I don't think it's necessarily wrong to want...something else for your life than what you were given."

She wouldn't look at me, as though afraid that meeting my eyes would allow me to see right through her. Even so, I had a feeling I already had. "Then am I a good person?"

"Well...no one's completely good for anyone, I guess…" I thought of all those I'd sacrificed. I was certainly not a good person to them, and to the others I'd saved, I was still not a good person. To my mother, I was not a good person. The only one who might say I was good at the moment was Erwin, who didn't seem to care about good and evil as much as victory and defeat. "Who's a good person and who isn't depends on who you ask."

Annie was quiet for a moment. "But when I die, I will be judged based on my actions."

"Yes…" To be honest, I'd tried for months not to think about it. I supposed if my choices weren't up to the standards of the Underworld, then that would be fine, because I would deserve whatever punishments I was given. _Someone_ would tell me if I was right.

"But you're saying whether I'm good or not depends on who I ask…" Annie bent down to touch the water with her fingertips, but when she drew away, her hand was dry. For a moment, she looked at her skin, and then let her hand drop. She kept her eyes fixed on the wet sand swallowing a little more of her feet with every passing wave. "Then...is morality that subjective? And if it is...how can I make any choices?"

Here was her real question.

Though I had anticipated it, I still had no answer. As a knot formed in my throat, preventing me from speaking, I pulled my feet from the sinking sand, trying to find a piece of solid ground.

Annie looked at her hand again when I failed to answer. "Then I guess...I just won't. I'll wait until something forces me to act one way or the other. And no one can blame me for that."

"No…" It didn't sit right with me, but... "I guess not."

* * *

Mornings were usually spent training, now more than ever. I'd used to spend more time in my cabin to read, but I'd found I couldn't sit there below Thomas' things, Mina's empty bed beside me, Hannah staring at me from across the room with vacant eyes...

It seemed my siblings had silently agreed that I would have to be the one who moved their belongings out– the well-worn t-shirts still strewn across the bed, the ever-smiling stuffed animals, the tattered photos taped haphazardly to the walls...scores of perfect moments that could never exist again.

Shaking the images away, I turned my attention back to the target, yards away at the other end of the archery range.

 _Aim slightly above the bullseye...and pull the trigger._

My finger wouldn't move.

 _Pull the trigger._

My finger twitched, but that was all it would do. The red and white rings began to expand, until it was all I could see in my vision, looming. I squinted, trying to reason it back to its normal size, but at last I lowered my crossbow with a sigh. Suddenly, it was too heavy to lift.

"Armin."

"Jean! Uh...hi…"

His fists clenched at his sides, and he still wouldn't look me in the eye, choosing a spot on the ground next to us. I followed his stare and saw a faint outline of bloodstains on the stone. My stomach lurched as he began speaking again.

"About your plan...and that quest…"

I waited, my pulse quickening and my palms beginning to sweat. My throat was clogged with the moths frantically fluttering in my stomach.

Jean let out a breath, finally meeting my eyes with the exactness of a knife. "You're Athena's kid, aren't you?"

I could have said _of course,_ like it was a ludicrous question, or _yeah,_ like it was something very casual, simply requiring a noncommittal confirmation. Instead, I hesitated. "I think so."

"She's the goddess of war, and the goddess of wisdom." He wasn't bitter anymore, but the edge in his voice was relentless. "Would you really say that matches up?"

"Only sometimes," I admitted, surprising myself with my honesty.

"Then...seeing how it turned out, do you still think we did everything the way we should've done to protect the camp? And to finish that quest, too? Even though so many died?" Jean wasn't necessarily accusing me, but the guilt had still been clinging to me anyway, carving out a cave in my chest until it collapsed.

Strangely, it was something else that finally snapped inside me then, my voice trembling. "I…I don't..."

It was true that what I had done had required lots of sacrifice, but how many were saved because of me? I knew we'd lost a lot, but the immeasurable nature of what we'd gained didn't make it meaningless.

I set my jaw. "I guess...what I mean to say is that there aren't easy answers to questions like that. I'm starting to believe that answers may not exist at all." Slowly, the hesitance disappeared from my voice. "I'm Athena's child, yes, but that doesn't mean I have all the solutions."

Trying to answer everyone's questions was impossible; most of the time, all I could give them were excuses. Everyone came to me with their criticisms, their demands, their accusations, but I'd learned that, by simple definition, war required risk if you intended to win it.

Jean grit his teeth at my response, still searching for something from me. "But if you didn't know if it would even work or not, why did you choose to let them die?"

My voice didn't shake anymore, steady and assertive. "Sometimes, the wisest thing to do in war is to gamble. No one ever changed anything without sacrificing something else." Jean scoffed bitterly, but his scorn only strengthened my resolve. I balled my fists. "If you don't like my answer, Jean, then find your own."

His eyes widened, and he avoided my glare for a moment, his posture stiff. "I guess...I think you're wrong, then."

Strangely, his response didn't catch me off-guard. I nodded gravely, waiting for him to continue.

"I think there's another way to win the war without losing so many people." Finally, he raised his gaze to mine, a new flame burning inside of them. "I think you made the wrong choice."

For some reason, to hear someone say that filled my heart with a buoyant feeling, my shoulders relieved of an unfathomable weight. Someone else had given me an answer, and it was an answer I could completely disagree with. If I was a fool, someone would stop me.

It was true that people would never stop asking me impossible questions, but I didn't need to have the perfect answers anymore.

I was the son of Athena, goddess of war, and goddess of wisdom.

Perhaps the two weren't so disconnected after all.

* * *

 **A/N:** Thanks for reading!

Here is Armin's part of the story! As you can tell, this isn't told in exact chronological order from Eren's part, so I'm trying to write them so that you don't have to read them in order, but feel free to let me know if that's not working lol

Anyway, I hope you enjoy! Don't forget to review and let me know what you think! I'm always open to criticism! :D


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